I always find myself looking and searching for "signs". Sign's that will let me know J is around us. I often find little things here and there that, to me, signify that he is indeed here. Nothing compares to the latest "I love you, mommy" that I had though. Me and my husband recently went on a cruise to the Bahamas. On one of our days at sea I was talking to DH about how I hadn't seen any bugs out there at all. I asked him why there were none, not that I wanted any flying around us, but it's weird being outside with not one bug! He explained that since we were in the middle of a huge body of water, there really isn't anywhere for the bugs to live or come from. They would have to come a loooong way to find us out there! A few hours later we were on the back of the ship on a deck where kids weren't allowed. It was a place to lay out, have drinks and/or sit in one of two hot tubs. While DH was sitting in the hot tub chatting it up with some people, I was laying in the sun watching the ocean. It was so peaceful! As I often do when I have a moment to think to myself, I was thinking about J and how much he has changed our lives. While thinking of him- a big, pretty butterfly came out of no where and flew right in front of me!!! How is that possible? I mean there was not ONE insect anywhere! That very instant I knew that this was my 'hello'! For me, it was the most gratifying thing that could have ever happened in regards to J. I have no other words to describe it other than, simply amazing.
So, to my baby.. Thank you for that butterfly. Because of you, butterflies now have a new meaning to me. As always, I think of you everyday. My heart aches when I think of how long it's been since I held you. DS speaks of you, his "baby brother Jayce", often and OS is now pointing to all of your pictures in pure delight squeeling "BABY"! She doesn't know who you are yet, but you are a familiar face to her.
Butterfly kisses to you, baby boy! I love you.