Friday, December 2, 2011

3 short years..

Do you remember any event in your life, big or small, from 3+ years ago like it was yesterday? I can't think of anything that I have ever done, gone through, witnessed, etc., my entire life that I have VERY good memory about. That I can still feel the feelings I felt that day. 3 years ago today we welcomed, and said good-bye, to the most precious baby we have ever seen! I recall the days leading up to the delivery like it was yesterday. In fact, I remember everything up to handing him over to the Pastor, very vividly! After that though, it's a blur.

Today DH was supposed to work until about 7pm. So me and the kids started our day off as we normally do. Everything was fine and going pretty smooth. DH happened to get off early, so instead of me bringing the kids to grocery shop with me, I met him at Lowes (we were already on the way) to give him the kids. Once I was alone it all hit me. I had one of my "I can't breathe" moments. I took about 10 minutes and did a big ol' 'pity me' while I was alone. I told DH I should have kept the kids.. when I was with them I didn't have a moment to think! After that my day only got better. I finished Christmas shopping for most the kids and now I will make some molasses cookies. Molasses cookies and Jayce go hand in hand..

The void you feel in your heart after you lose a child is a feeling like no other. I honestly can't even explain it to you, not that you would want to know what something like that is like. Being able to celebrate December 2nd every year with our birthday boy here with us would be something amazing. Something I dream about. What's that thing they say? "If you can dream it, you can achieve it"? To bad that isn't the truth..

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy! We miss you so much!!


  1. i remember the day like it was yesterday...i love u!

  2. I can't even imagine. Bless you and your family.


  3. Havent read your whole blog... started at the beginning and read through the day you picked him up after being creamated. I gave birth to my sleeping angel just three and a half weeks ago, he was my first baby. I had to bring him home in a cardboard box, just like you. I am not sure why but I enjoyed reading thus far even though I sobbed hysterically over every word. I feel your pain. I plan to continue reading, just cant read more now...