Sunday, December 6, 2009

1 year+ a couple days!

So J's big day came and left. I was so stressed out leading up to the day. I guess the thought of the day, the flooding memories of everything that transcribed that day, one year ago, were much worse than it actually played out to be. We made sure to keep it happy. I did, however, take time to myself.. just to reflect back on the past year. Thinking about all the fabulous things that have happened in our life, since it was turned upside down. I am certain that the first year is the hardest, after that, we can do ANYTHING. I guess I never really realized how strong we were. Strong as individuals and as a family. I'm sure I've stated this about 5 billion times, but my husband really is the best there is. He's my kickstand when I feel like I'm about to fall. And no matter what, he will be there to listen. He will tell me that it will all be ok and somehow, it is. It's always ok.

This weekend has been a little trying for me. This weekend, a year ago, was J's memorial service. Last year, Dec 6 was on a saturday. Last year on Dec 7 (sunday) while my mom was here, we went downtown and saw the holiday parade. Of course I was no longer pregnant. It was such a beautiful parade, but I couldn't even enjoy it with everything else going on. I wanted to go downtown today for the parade, but with my husband on another "trip", there was NO WAY I was takin the kids by myself! lol Now, the hardest week of my life, one year later, is almost over. I'm so glad I got here, and even more glad to be done with it.

Oh yeah- last year there were some people that couldn't come down for the memorial, I understood, but alot of those people didn't even call to say sorry.. or just check on us. I still haven't been able to let that go. I'm not sure how. I mean, such a huge time in our life and a few people couldn't even call? Send a card? Something? Anything? Now, I find myself having that same thing happen. Those that didn't call on Dec 2, just to check on us.. or tell us they were thinking about us. A text. An email. A comment on facebook. Anything. I have that animosity again. My family did. My friends did.. most of them. But Dh's family? No, not one. My mom even sent us flowers. They were so pretty.. and still sitting on the coffee table. I hope they never die. lol Yeah, nice wish. Anyway, how do I get over that anger towards those people? Or should I get over it? Am I right or wrong to feel like that? Shouldn't they have some sort of compassion towards their own son/nephew/grandson? Because my husband is a man, do they think it doesn't bother him?


  1. I know that sometimes people seem so rude and insensitive in times like these and I'm truly not making excuses for them, I know I would be angry too but you have to remember that a lot of people just don't know what to say or do. So they react by not doing anything at all. It's not a good reason or excuse, they are ultimately wrong in any case but I'm just saying that so often people just feel in the way or useless. Again it doesn't excuse them but maybe they were just overwhelmed too....

  2. I am glad that you have moved passed the 1 year. I've heard many times that the first year is the hardest so I'm hoping that this next year will be easier on your heart.

    I don't blame you for being angry at the people who ignored your son's passing. You have a right to be! They should have been there for you during such a difficult time. It is so simple nowadays to let someone know you care. A card, email, FB. There are so many ways so there is really no excuse. Don't let the anger consume you and make you bitter. They aren't worth that. Are these people ones you see often? If they are perhaps you should let them know how they hurt you. Are these people worth having in your life?? You may have to reflect on this. I hope you can figure out what is best for you and your family in this situation.

  3. You have a right to feel upset by the way some people have acted. If their excuse is they didn't know what to say, a simple "just thinking of you" would have been better than nothing. I am really sorry some people have let you down when you needed everyone the most. Through all the pain and trying times, you know who matters the most in your life now.

  4. -mysy- from BabyfitDecember 31, 2009 at 5:13 AM

    I'm so sorry people were so rude in ignoring your loss. My Mum lost a little one less than 24hours after birth (medical malpractice) and she actually had people take baby presents off her (ones they had already given her). I just can't understand some people. *hugs