Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Two Years Old.. just a few days late.

On Wednesday, December 1st, I made a very last minute decision to drive to Orlando to see my sister who was there for a work conference. I took the 2 little kids with me. My husband and the oldest girl had to stay home due to work and gymnastics obligations. It was a nice trip.. and I enjoyed seeing my sister who I only get to see about once a year or less. The majority of my ride there, I was thinking about the next day.. December 2. Which of course is J's birth/angel day. I was hoping it would be a good day. Especially since I would be spending it without my husband. It's such a tough day.. A day you really need your spouse! The day came, and it was great. I started out shopping with the kids while my sister was at her conference and ended it shopping.. then eating pizza at the (super nice) hotel that we were in on Disney property. My mom and (other) sister let us know that they were thinking about us and that is always nice.

Once night time hit and my sister and the kids were asleep, things changed a little bit. I couldn't sleep. The wheels in my head kept turning and turning and turning. Two years ago, that night, I was laying in my hospital bed, crying.. holding and trying to sleep with our dead son.. also trying to keep him warm. That was the sort of thoughts I was having. Just reliving it all.. Not that I want to relive it, but it's such a huge day, it's hard not to. Somedays, like that night, when I think about this I wish I would wake up. Wake up and realize that this is just a 2 year nightmare I've been having. Anyone care to pinch me??


  1. I'm sorry. *Hugs* I wish things were different..Just always remember, he is watching over you every second and waiting to have a big family reunion with all of you when the time comes!

  2. i wish i could pinch you...pinch me too please.....happy birthday sweet J

  3. Sending love to you and Jayce. ♥ It's hard to believe 2 yrs already...